Yesterday, Monday, May 28, was Memorial Day in the US. Being that it’s a nationally observed holiday, most people had the day off and enjoyed a nice three day weekend full of beer, barbeque, and housework.

Here at my new job we were also given the preceding Friday off. I would normally spend such days off secretly resting in a webcam blindspot while the webserver was at work, catching up on sleep missed due to the webserver’s drunken late night karaoke sessions.

But not this time.

For the past year-and-a-half, completely unknown to my angry little roommate, I’ve been seeing someone on the sly. In the course of our courtship our relationship had gotten very serious to the point where we began making plans. Big plans.

So, on Friday, May 25, I waited until the webserver had tired of kicking me in the shins and as soon as I saw it rolling down the driveway (and over a squirrel) on its way to work I packed my suitcase and put on my suit:

Double Oh Duhr

I counted down a few minutes more to let the webserver gain distance, but not too long should it check the webcams and see me making a break. Blood pounding in my ears with every heartbeat I squeezed the handle of the suitcase as the final minute ticked by and I was out of there.

I literally ran down the stairs, nearly tripping on stacks of ads from local pizza places, and half-tumbled to my car before realizing…

I had forgotten my keys.

I dropped my suitcase, ran back up the stairs, and carefully peeked around the corner to see one of the webcams sweeping the hallway. The webserver was at work and was checking the webcams. It didn’t know that I had the day off, but in my haste I had left the front door open and it knew that something was amiss.

Looking again, I saw my keys on the dresser in the bedroom just past hallway webcam. There was a brief window when I could make it past the sweeping eye on the camera, hugging the wall to stay in its blindspot. I was almost doomed to fail, but I couldn’t stop now.

Channeling my best double-o-seven I awaited my chance and took it.

Into the hallway I slipped. Back flat again the wall, I shuffled quickly and quietly while staying outside the webcam’s range of vision. I slid into the open bedroom door and grabbed the keys not thinking of the noise they would make. The webcam stopped its sweep and I knew the jig was up. The keys tight in my fist I ran out the front door, flew down the stairs, and threw my suitcase into the car and was off like a flash.

From there it was down to my lady’s place where she awaited, a vision in a red dress.

Ali in a red dress

We quickly loaded her belongings into my suitcase, worried that the webserver might be in pursuit, and soon were back on the road.

Our destination — the Norwalk County Courthouse.

Our mission — getting hitched, without a hitch.

Well, it was quite the adventure getting there. The high-speed chase, followed by the low-speed chase, then the moderate-speed chase, finished with a high-speed chase again. Also the cross-dressing, hitchhiking, escaped convicts and the relentless cyborg bounty hunter gave us quite the wild time. And, of course, the webserver who tried to stop the private wedding but was ultimately arrested on charges including being drunk and disorderly, public endangerment, and just generally being an ass (I heard they had to drop that last charge though).

In the end though, we made it, and Alison and I have started our lives together, free from the oppressive shadow of my power-mad roomie.

Rings

Not bad for a day off, eh?